Crime jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.