As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
