Crime jokes
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"