Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Pedophiles smell good.
