Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
When do you go at stop and stop when done?
I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
