Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
