When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?
Innocent.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
