Crime jokes
Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?
Because it was on crack.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.