Crime jokes

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?

Because he comes in a little behind.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?

Fitting in.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.

Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?

They both get a lot of crack.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

What's a pedo's favorite snack?

Sour Patch Kids.