So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Raping white women should be encouraged everywhere!
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.
(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
