Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Quilty or Not Quilty?
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came he asked what happened, the turtle responded '' I don't know, it all happened so fast''.
Someone stole my grass today, I went to the police and they said: "What's wrong?" I said "How could you tell something was wrong?" they replied "you were looking forlorn"
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.I think I hid the body pretty well but now I have to hide the gun.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
i went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when i saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range, i dont know who snitched...
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
why did sally die, she got stabbed by her mum
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.
But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.
Me:911 I just killed someone Cops:Cool we will not come Me:Why Cops:Don't admit a crime. Phones:*Bang Bang* Me:Well that was 2 crimes done.
There is a dark alley Who Do You Call? Batman.
Whats a knifes favorite person?
The victim.
Whats a prisoners favorite game?
Hangman!
My brother got his legs chopped of but someone FBI opened my basement door but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basment
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a pdf file!!
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
