What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
Crime Jokes
They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."
"If you got a question, just shoot!"
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?
Helen Killer.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
I killed a man in '94.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Walter, I don't know, man, seems kinda sus.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
