When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then “WHOA-MAN!!”
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
i made a website for orphans it has no homepage
god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Wo-man!'
My dad made up that joke. #Dad jokes
God:(creating elephants) Make it big Angel:How big? God:As big as my d- Angel: Whoa God:Fine 10 feet tall Angel: That's big bu- God: Put a long thing on it's face
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia then it just went to copy paste copy paste
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
What did Allah say when he created the universe ? -Allahu akbar !!!!
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead it also had rings
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: 'You might want to sit down for this.'
Hey God what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire
sounds like a match made in heaven
Adam and Eve had sex. It was Paradise.
[God creating bees] God: putt a needel on their butt Angel: come on god wha- God: make its puke delicious Angel: wtf
[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
