Country jokes
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?
A European.
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
Literally every movie:
"I love you." "I love you, too."
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
What do you call a swimmer from Iraq?
A bath bomb.
Yo mama so fat, you deported herself.
Why are there no Africans on cruise ships from Africa to America?
Once again, they don't fall for the trick!
Did you know that French fries aren't from France? They're cooked in Greece.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.
Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"
Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.
Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.
Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?
Why can't Americans play chess?
They lost two towers.
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
What do you call a country's booty?
Its bottom line.
Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost the towers.
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.