Count Jokes

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% Graduation rate and he said "Your mom doesn't count as a college"

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed. Me: If your only counting me. 100%

What did the calculator say to the student? You can always count on me.

A man entered in the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back in his account. The teller asked the man why did you withdraw the money and deposit back then the man replied i wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records. Lol

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I hope when you count you lose the number you were on

this is just a bad emo pickup line lmao

are you maria? cuz u can sure as hell count ME in

Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the party?

To count his STACKS of CASH

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hayfever.

I Met Lebron James And He Was So Bald At The Time That I Could Count His Hairs.

And That's 1 Hair and Mabey 2

Why was the rapper so good at math?

Because he could always COUNT his BARS

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you

Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?

Because it couldn't COUNT the BARS

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

There was a news the other where a magician disappeared. He was like"at the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Des,and he disappeared without a trace.