Count jokes
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
Did you know I can't count to whatever number is after 4?
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?
Chew when you swallow!
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
How do you count cows with a cowculator?
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
I have a body count of 7.
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the party?
To count his STACKS of CASH!
There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.