Count Jokes

Why was the rapper so good at math?

Because he could COUNT his BARS

Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?

Because it couldn't COUNT the BARS

There was a news the other where a magician disappeared. He was like"at the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Des,and he disappeared without a trace.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity TWICE

Bf:what do you think about our love?

Gf:count the stars in the sky

Bf:aww its infinity

Gf:nope just a waste of time

Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts

10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Why did the rapper become a mathematician?

To count his STACKS of CASH

how do you help a depressed kid face their fears... u count to 3 and say jump>

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the abcs and the other count to 10. Teacher: you can kill 2 birds with1 stone. Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head. Johnny at school: you can kill a bird and give a man a concusssion.

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting but fell asleep.

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.