How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.
If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Does a midget count as an orphan?
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Why was Hitler a Baka at mathematics? Because he can only count to Nein.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
