Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.
Your hairline is so big, it counts as its own planet.
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.
I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.
And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.
Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
