Count jokes

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.

Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than three because the basement is still dark!

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.