I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
how many fat people are in my house 20 counting the kides in the basement
Chuck Norris counted to infinity TWICE
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count? Chew when you swallow!
counting my fingers and get nine why?
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
I woke up one night to a strange noise and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents room. I looked inside and counted, ok one two three finger men and my mom so nothing out of the ordinary so then I checked my sisters room. And I counted 4 other women in the room but then I realized that he sound was coming from right in front of me it was my dad giving me a bj the whole time.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
WHY CANT MISS PIGGY COUNT TO 70? BECAUSE WHEN SHE GETS TO 69 THERE'S A FROG IN HER THROAT.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
I wa finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve. Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
There was a mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three. 1-2-..... and he left without a trace.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'uno, dos...' and poof. He disappears without a tres."
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
