Cop Jokes

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully of him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying "I fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease. Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

Why did the cops come over .

Because parents had kids in there basement.

[ when a cop meets a pothead on April 20th ]

Officer : Hi, how high are you?

Pothead : No officer, it's how are you

Officer : oh im sorry ive been high since last night

Pothead : cool, i'd like to give you sum weed, happy 420 sir

Officer : omg thx man appreciate that

somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch

I find it best to screw people with memory loss, I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights

He arrested me for impersonating Gorge Floyd. *I have seizures*

Things you never want to do in jail - never piss off an inmate - don’t start fights with the cops - don’t drop the soap - don’t run away from the cops

there was man, who had just moved from a foreign country. he just moved into his apartment, and was watching his favorite TV shows. the first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him "sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. the man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." the cop said, "sir, what did you use." and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives." after that, the cop said, "sir, im going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" the screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

me, calls the police* me: hey imma commit suicide! cop on the phone: please wait till we get there me: why, so you can then stop me? cop on the phone: no, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper...and we are all bord! me: ok, my house number is ********************* ok! cop on the phone: awesome! just a sec. whispers*** guys I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

Yo Mama so fat the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car all the pricks are on the inside.

(Thanks to lostin Flowers cause this one is fucking funny)

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy

Bruh , the cops just arrested a black dude ...

Well nvm , they shot him ded .

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”