Cop jokes

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

*I have seizures*

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!