Cop jokes
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
Why did a cop in the 1960s cross the road? To arrest a faggot for cross-dressing.
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"