Contest jokes

Okay, boys are known to measure their dicks, but do girls measure their depths?

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

you.

During Covid, lockdown went on for so long that even the agoraphobics got cabin fever.

Yo mama's so fat, she wrestled a polar bear and won.

Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.

Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.

They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.

How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.

Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!

Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.

(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)

Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?

All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Anything you want; it won't chase you.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.

Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.

The French: "But how did you do it?"

The Italian: "I killed one."

The German: "So what?"

The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.

Y'uree: Bruh... listen... gangbang... sex... the same.

Halyei: Hello Y'uree and Jarod. How are you guys today?

Y'uree: Well, sexy girls like you should be ass-fucked or fucked so hard that all you can do is talk or nothing at all?

Halyei: Thank you, I suck dicks too!

Jarod: Are you Breya???

Halyei: No... do I look like that flying bastard???

Jarod: Ugh... no... baby, you're free to go!

Halyei: Sorry, I miss cursing and having sex with her too! Sorry for being an idiot. I really miss her. Maybe you and I can give her a threesome??? No, I'm not gay! WHY!!!!!!! Can you come to the please fuck me! It's the fuckable girls contest and I want to win! Sorry!

Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.