Consumption jokes
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
Mike Pence should have been eaten like Trump fans were saying!
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
Where did my rabbit go?
*crunch*
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
For orphans, every bag of chips is family size.