Consumption jokes

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

Candy is dandy.

But liquor is quicker.

For orphans, every bag of chips is family size.

What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?

Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.

How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?

When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What's the difference between apples and dead babies?

I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.

If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.