Consumption jokes
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.
Hi, I like food.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Why did Spencer eat cheese?
Because he was Jewish.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
One time I ate a chair.
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.