What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
I drip when you take me in the mouth, what am I? Ice cream.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
Why do people eat food?
Coz it tastes good lol.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.
Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.
Where did my rabbit go?
*crunch*
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
