Consumption jokes
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?
Nothing, I eat both of them.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
I drip when you take me in the mouth, what am I? Ice cream.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
How do people eat bread?
For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
Suck all the bread!
Why do people eat food?
Coz it tastes good lol.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.