Construction jokes

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...

Then we took an Arab to the knee.

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam.

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

Are you a building?

Cuz I rate you 9/11.

Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, because they are walls.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

Why are carpenters never horny after work?

Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something :D

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

Did you know that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention?

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.