Construction jokes
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
What can you build with people? A boat!
I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
What happens when a cow farm gets destroyed, then built up again?
It'll be udder renovation!
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.
What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.
But what is similar is tha-
Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!
Sorry 'bout that......
Now, as I was saying,
What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.
Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!
What gives you the power to walk through a wall?
A door.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."