Construction jokes

What's an orphan's dream job?

A builder, to build themselves a home.

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

What do Mexicans call a wall? A ladder.

I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Dam.

What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?

JENGA!!!!

How is a woman like a road?

They both have manholes.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.

What were the twin towers plains?

God's playing Jenga.

There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?

Home Depot.