I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.
Bruh, your forehead is so big even Megamind has some competition!
Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.
Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.
Who’s better, Bird or Magic?
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Why can't orphans go on game shows?
You need a family member.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
Why wasn’t the orphan allowed on the game show?
The show was called "Family Feud."
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
