Comparison jokes

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?

one has a point.

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?

Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!

Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.

What do emo kids and bats have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?

They both can crash down.

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.