Comparison jokes
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
What do Rapboat and Caseoh have in common?
They're both chubby.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
What does a pickle look like a p*nis?
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.