Comparison jokes
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
Memes
His perfect pet
Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.
Dirty bitch!
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.