Comparison jokes

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

The types you can have.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.

Dirty bitch!

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.