Comparison jokes
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.
Dirty bitch!
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok