What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats. My dog is named curiosity, and your cat is dead
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when your nailing them
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a roster?
A roster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
