Comparison jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."