Comparison jokes
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
Down syndrome people are like dogs.
Prove me wrong.
You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.
You look as fat as a pig.
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
What does a pickle look like a p*nis?
You know boys have balls. Girls have balls, too.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.