Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.

Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?

A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.