Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.