Comparison jokes

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there's a Target on every corner.

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.

Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?

A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.

Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀