Comparison jokes
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
Memes
Me verses my mother
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."