Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
"Rapeboat" makes Elton John seem straight.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
Life is like a box of chocolates, they f*cking melt :)
Happens every time
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.
Dirty bitch!
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
You look as fat as a pig.
Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?
Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)
Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.
Me: *Confused*
Sister: They're both horrible.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.