Comparison jokes
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and feel better.
Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?