Comparison jokes

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck if my computer crashes.

What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀

Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?

A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."