Comparison jokes
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.
Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.
Your leg is straighter than James Charles.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.
I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"
He said, "Dogs."
I said, "Why?"
He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.
Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.