Comparison jokes
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!
Roses are red, Violets are ugly.
Violet thought she was ugly until she saw you!
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
I like my girls like I like my wine.
12 years old and locked in my basement.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.