Comparison jokes

Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Your hairline is like Quandel Dingle, it's so goofy!

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?

There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.

Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"

What's the difference between Monday and a dick?

They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.

What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?

An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.

Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.

Q: What are women better than men at doing?

A: Winning arguments.

Q: What are men better than women at doing?

A: Winning swimming titles.

What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?

The rope would catch her.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

What's the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.