Comparison jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,
dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and
morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.