Comparison jokes

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,

dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and

morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.