Comparison jokes
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
How are genders different than the Twin Towers?
There are two genders.
Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
I like my kids like I like my lamps. Hung from the ceiling.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.