Comparison jokes
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
Memes
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what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.