Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.
Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"
He said, "Dogs."
I said, "Why?"
He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.