Comparison jokes

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.

Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I cry when I chop up onions.

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

Dark humor is just like water,

some people get it, some people don't.

Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.