Comparison jokes
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.