Comparison jokes

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

The dinosaur once existed.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.

what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.