Comparison jokes

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?

The ant knows where home is.

Jokes are like Indians.

They never die, they just get reincarnated.

Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain Bolt can finish a race.

Yo mama's teeth so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!

My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.

What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One kneels for salvation.

The other kneels with salivation.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.

You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.