Comparison jokes
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.