Comparison jokes
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.
Dirty bitch!
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.