Comparison jokes
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
The Toaster: The best bath bomb!
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.