Comparison jokes

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Enyaw’s fanny smells of dirty, moist, fishy, rotten egg, dead Elizabeth, pig dick, cow cum filth.

Dirty bitch!

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?

They always come back.

What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.

The Toaster: The best bath bomb!

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.