New Comparison Jokes - Page 24

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree? Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.

Whats the difference between NASA and religion

NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....