Comparison jokes
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Your forehead is built like the Indian flag.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.