What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you look like Honey Boo Boo!
Yo mama so fat, her future is brighter than VY Canis Majoris!
Yo mama is so fat that she's bigger than the cinematic Marvel Universe.
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!
Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?
Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
Your eyebrows could make the bushes outside feel jealous.
I got jealous when my phone died.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
