Comparison jokes
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Your forehead is built like the Indian flag.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?
A different sized elephant.
Your mum is stupid, just like you.
Your forehead is so big, it's bigger than a school!
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.