Comparison jokes
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
I got jealous when my phone died.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
Your hairline is so big, it was used as a highway.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples got picked.
What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.
Bro, your forehead so big Dakota's forehead seemed small.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.
What's the difference between limbs of babies and a dick?
I've never sucked on dicks.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.