What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Your hairline looks like the McDonalds logo
What’s the difference between a penis and a gold ball? A penis always goes in the hole.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza? A dead baby can't feed a family.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex? They are not for kids.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
