Comparison jokes

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."

My boner had better structural support than the Twin Towers.

Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa saw it before you!

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

Yo mama so fat, she doesn't count as 1 person bro, she counts as 40 people.

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

Your forehead is so big you look like MegaMind.

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

Bruh, your forehead is so big even Megamind has some competition!

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

What do a banana and shampoo have in common?

Ur mom.