Comparison jokes
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Shrek was ugly, until I saw you.
What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).