Comedy jokes
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?
"No, my cock!"
I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
Rape jokes are not funny.
Look at my name by the way😁.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...