Comedy jokes
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
What’s a rapper’s favorite martial art?
Punchlines.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
What comes after 69?
Period.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.