Comedy jokes
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Wanna hear a joke...
I don't know, I'm too high.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
I think there will be many more jokes afoot! 👣
Draw deez nuts.
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
How many racist jokes am I allowed to make?
None.
Because I don't make jokes.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Hey so I like orphan jokes, and some of them are fun, but I think that's engonp.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?