Comedy jokes
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
Who is the least young Dave?
Dave-on.
Germany does a backflip. America: What is happening?
France: Want a baguette?
USSR: Help!
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
This is coming from an Indian btw and I find it very racist and it all stereotypes.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Hi! It's the kid with another dark joke! On this episode: Orphans!
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.