Comedy jokes
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.
What's an Indian's favorite store?
Red Dot.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
I will stop making fun of orphans when their parents come back.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?