Comedy jokes
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.
A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"
The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
The man said, "Your parents."
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
Knock knock. Who's there? Stephen Hawking. Wheelie?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Jo Mama!
Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:
Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂
What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish? He said it tasted a little funny.
Wow, no SP jokes?
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
It insists upon itself, Lois, it insists upon itself.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.