Comedy jokes

You know why eggs can't tell jokes?

They crack each other up!

I’m a short joke.

I’m only five feet tall 😞

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

What did the cow say to the prostitute?

Moo.

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?

You: No.

Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."

Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.

These jokes are the bomb, I rate them 9 out of 11.

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

I came here to laugh.

How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?

He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!