Comedy jokes
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
None of these jokes really took off.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What do you call a bad pun? The pun is not punny!
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."
Actor 2: "Where's the b?"
Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"
Sans: "Like, I'm so *flabbergasted*."
Gaster: "👌☼⚐ ✌☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☼✋⚐🕆💧 ☼✋☝☟❄ ☠⚐🕈✍"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, baby!
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.