Comedy Jokes

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

None of these jokes really took off.

Why do basketball players hate gravity?

Because it's always bringing them down.

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

DEEZ NUTS!

These jokes are offensive. Stop!

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.

More jokes.

Hi, I'm a skeleton and I know a skele-TON of jokes!

What is the best way to end a cookbook?

And that’s a wrap!

Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.

They took him to PC World for repairs.