Comedy jokes
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
None of these jokes really took off.
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
Babe, it's over.
After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.
I meant the movie...
DEEZ NUTS!
These jokes are offensive. Stop!
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.