Comedy jokes

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

They become in-bread.

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What did the cow say to the prostitute?

Moo.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

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A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?

A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

Funny.

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣

I don't think jokes are very funny.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"