Comedy jokes
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
What’s a sheep’s favorite song?
"Baby Don’t Herd Me."
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
Laugh.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Why?