Come jokes
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.
Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.
My mom said, "Hey, come over here."
I responded, "Too late, Mom!"
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Memes
š” idea. Start a confidential organization that only recruits via invite. Stockpile heavy duty weapons in an si when the time comes we can defend America from any domestic threat. *just a silly idea*
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I donāt care what yāall think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. Iāve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Yāall need to give more respect to the mining ā community.
Whatās comes after 9 Millimeter?
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
Did you know thereās a sex position called āAmazonā? You wait all day and nobody comes.
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"
"No, it's 26."
"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."
"You're missing one more."
"I'll give you the D later."
"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
Mike, ID is coming tonight.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!