Come jokes

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

"No, it's 26."

"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

"You're missing one more."

"I'll give you the D later."

"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.

Bored come talk v rah.

Why do high tides come up so high?

Because they come up to say hi.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

What comes after 611? 711.

What comes after that? 811.

What comes after that? George W. Bush.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

Mike, ID is coming tonight.

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."