Come jokes
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
#GwenComeBack Gwen please come back!
Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What’s comes after 9 Millimeter?
"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"
"No, it's 26."
"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."
"You're missing one more."
"I'll give you the D later."
"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
What comes after 611? 711.
What comes after that? 811.
What comes after that? George W. Bush.
How do terrorists feed their babies?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"Come on, take the camera!"
"Isn't it clear?"
"Well, look!"
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."