This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
It wasn't Islam that radicalized the terrorists who did 9/11.
Jenga comes to mind, though!
What did one ass cheek say to the other?
"Blimey, what's that smell coming from the corridor?"
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
"Ryan, come out to play-ee-ay!!"
What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.
Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.
My mom said, "Hey, come over here."
I responded, "Too late, Mom!"
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
