Come jokes
My pen is so strong, ladies, come and get it!
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Here comes the plane... the twins. ☠️
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
What're the only things that never come out of a Chi Phi frat house?
A virgin and unsnorted ketamine.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
Little Johnny was alone because Dad didn’t come back.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?