Come jokes

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary.

Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.

Your mama is so ugly whenever she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

Your mum is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.

"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?