Come jokes

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?

The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.

"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Your mama is so ugly whenever she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

What goes up but doesn't come down?

"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

Your mum is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.

"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.

Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.