Come jokes

Yesterday I got detention because I said to the emo kid, "Come hang with us."

We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.

What’s blue and comes in brownies?

Cub Scouts.

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?