Come jokes

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

What’s blue and comes in brownies?

Cub Scouts.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!