Come jokes

What’s blue and comes in brownies?

Cub Scouts.

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.