Come jokes

Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?

Rapey Santa.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?

The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.

There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

(Answer)

There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.

"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"